How to support a colleague through IVF treatment

1 October 2024

Guest Contributor

By Fertifa

Fertifa is the leading reproductive healthcare provider in the UK and Europe, supporting employees through their biggest health challenges, when they need it the most.

We asked Emilia Soulios, Head of Content, to write an article on how best to support a colleague (or friend!) through IVF. This may be relevant to you, or you may wish to forward this to someone who could benefit.

IVF is a complex and emotionally charged journey for anyone going through it. Some people might find that their workplace becomes a refuge of routine and distraction. But for many people, balancing the demands of fertility treatments with work responsibilities can feel overwhelming.

As a colleague, you have an opportunity to provide meaningful support during this time, whether it’s through kind words, flexibility, or just understanding. Here’s how you can help a colleague going through IVF, making sure they feel supported and valued in the workplace.

How IVF treatment can impact you at work

IVF is not just a medical procedure; it’s an emotional and physical experience that can last for weeks or even months. During treatment, individuals undergo frequent medical appointments, and hormone injections, and sometimes experience side effects like fatigue, mood swings, and physical discomfort. For many, this can impact their concentration and productivity at work. 

On top of this, the uncertainty of the outcome—along with the high emotional stakes—can create added stress. Your colleague may need time off for appointments, experience days where they’re not feeling their best, or simply require a bit more understanding from the people around them. Recognising how the treatment process might affect someone’s ability to fully engage at work is the first step to being a supportive colleague.

How to support someone through IVF treatment

1. Offer flexibility 

If you’re in a position to do so, advocate for flexible working arrangements for your colleague. IVF treatment involves numerous appointments, and not all workplaces have built-in policies that allow for the necessary time off. Even if you’re not their manager, showing support by being open to shifting meeting times or adjusting deadlines can go a long way.

2. Respect their privacy

Not everyone going through IVF wants to talk about it. Respect your colleague’s privacy by following their lead. If they’ve chosen to share their experience with you, be a good listener, but avoid prying into details unless they offer them willingly.

3. Be emotionally supportive

IVF is a rollercoaster of emotions—hope, anxiety, disappointment, and sometimes grief. Offering emotional support doesn’t always mean offering advice. Simply being present, showing empathy, and listening when they need to talk can provide so much comfort.

4. Celebrate the small wins

   Fertility journeys are full of ups and downs. If your colleague chooses to share positive news—like a successful step in the treatment—acknowledge their win and offer congratulations. While the outcome might still be uncertain, celebrating progress can be uplifting emotionally.

What to say and what not to say

It can be hard to know what to say to a colleague going through IVF. Some well-meaning comments might unintentionally cause them distress. Here’s a guide to what you should and shouldn’t say:

What to say:

• “I’m here for you if you ever want to talk.”
• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you.”
• “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
• “I’m thinking of you, and I hope everything goes well.”

What not to say:

• “Just relax, and it will happen.”
• “Maybe it’s not meant to be.”
• “At least you can always adopt.”
• “When will you know if it worked?”

Avoid giving unsolicited advice or asking personal questions about timelines, test results, or future plans. These conversations can be deeply personal, and your colleague may not want to discuss the details.

Useful resources for support

• Fertility Network UK: A charity offering support, advice, and community for anyone experiencing fertility issues, including access to local support groups.
• Mind: The mental health charity Mind has resources that can help people navigate the emotional impact of fertility treatment, providing coping strategies for anxiety and stress.
• Fertifa: Fertifa provides workplace support for reproductive health, including fertility. If your company offers this benefit, there are tons of resources in the app like articles and webinars that you can point your colleague to.
• ACAS: If your colleague is unsure about their rights at work while undergoing IVF, ACAS provides valuable information on employment law, including the right to time off for medical appointments.

Supporting a colleague through IVF isn’t about knowing all the answers but about creating an environment of empathy and respect. By offering a safe space and recognising the challenges they face, you can play a significant role in making their experience a little easier to bear.

In the end, just being there—whether through practical support or a listening ear—can make a big difference for someone going through IVF. It’s about showing that you care, respecting their journey, and being mindful of how they might be feeling on any given day.