The holidays and TTC: it’s complicated!
The holiday season is supposed to be filled with joy and celebration, but if you’re TTC, it can feel heavy. Whether you’ve just started or you’ve been TTC for a while, emotions can easily heighten at this time.
Family gatherings, festive social media posts, and seemingly endless questions about your future can make it feel like the world’s pressing in.
It’s an occasion when you are reminded that another year has come by and once again you don’t have news or a child to share this special time with.
We wanted to share with you a few coping strategies – both from our own experience, and our patients who took the time to message us – helping you navigate this time.
Give yourself permission to feel exactly how you’re feeling. It’s OK to find this time hard. Whether you feel like ignoring the season, participating minimally, or going full-tilt into the holiday spirit, remember that you’re allowed to do whatever helps you get through.
When are YOU going to have kids?
Spending time with family and friends over the holidays is lovely, but it’s also a daunting prospect having to dodge the inevitable questions or comments about pregnancy.
There’s the moment when you put on a brave face whilst bouncing your brother’s new baby on your lap, before having a little cry to yourself in the bathroom.
And then, the dreaded question: “When are you going to have kids?” ….
It may come from a well-meaning family member or a distant relative, but the impact can be overwhelming.
First, know you don’t owe anyone an answer. A quick response like “We’ll let you know!” or a polite “We’re not discussing that right now” can keep things light without getting into detail.
If the questions persist, give yourself permission to walk away from the conversation, change the topic, or take a breather. It’s your journey, and you don’t have to share more than you’re comfortable with.
Navigating the drinks (without oversharing)
We’ve all been there… pretending the sparkling water you’re drinking is a gin and tonic or mumbling something about antibiotics and alcohol not mixing whilst swiftly changing the subject.
But…. If you’re TTC and avoiding alcohol this holiday season, you’re in good company! Gone are the days when skipping alcohol raised eyebrows – more people than ever are embracing alcohol-free options, whether it’s for health, wellness, or just personal preference.
The shift toward alcohol-free living means there are now tons of great options to try…
Good low or no alcohol wines used to be hard to come by, but you can hunt down great versions of 0% sparkling wine in supermarkets these days and Amie Wine has created the holy grail: a 0.5% ABV rosé wine to enjoy at any time of year.
If you’re a fan of Aperol, check out Punchy Drinks canned Blood Orange, Bitters and Cardamom. If you need a G&T alternative, try 0% Tanqueray Gin or Clean Co.
For NYE, if you still want to feel like you’re joining in with the cocktail fun, check out all the mocktails you can make with Lyres spirits.
And if you’re looking for a low alcohol lager or IPA option, point them towards The Small Beer Company.
Celebrate the season your way, and remember – it’s totally OK to keep your choices private and stick with what feels good for you. If anyone does ask, a casual “I’m pacing myself tonight” or “Just enjoying the alcohol-free life!” keeps things light without getting into details.
Balance is key: eating well and enjoying yourself
The holidays come with delicious treats and traditions, but TTC often comes with pressure to stick to a specific diet.
TTC is hard enough without laying on extra guilt. Now is the time to ditch the guilt and enjoy a glass of wine or champagne.
Finding a balance is the key. And: balance also means honouring both your physical and emotional well-being.
Enjoy all the food and bubbles for a few days, laugh, cry, bury your face in a tub of Quality Street (guilty as charged!) and know that you’ll be back on the healthy wagon in the New Year.
Remind yourself that a few glasses of wine or an extra mince pie won’t stop you from getting pregnant or derail your journey, but what they will do is help you release and feel normal, if only for a few days.
Guarding your mental space
The holidays are full of activities, gatherings, and noise, which can be exhausting when you’re already carrying the emotional load of TTC.
Prioritising your mental health means giving yourself permission to step away when you need to.
Don’t feel pressured to go to every party if you don’t want to, and if you would rather spend the festive days with just the two of you, do it.
If a family gathering feels overwhelming, take a walk, find a quiet space, or even plan for a short visit instead of staying all day.
This is perhaps the first and (hopefully) only time you’ll be able to have a quiet Christmas, so take advantage of the extenuating circumstances and look after yourself.
Creating boundaries doesn’t make you selfish; it’s an act of self-care.
Handling pregnancy announcements
Family gatherings are often when people announce big life news, and for those TTC, pregnancy announcements can hit hard.
Announcements like this really can catch you off-guard and perhaps your reaction might not be the same as other members of the family.
If your friends and family are unaware you’re TTC, they may not expect the kind of reaction that would naturally come from feeling like you’ve been ‘ambushed’ by this kind of news.
One follower told us a story when her brother and sister-in-law announced their second pregnancy on Christmas Day, the day after she found out her third embryo transfer hadn’t worked. She described the feeling as being winded and said she felt so angry and cheated she couldn’t even look them in the eye for the rest of the day. It completely changed the entire dynamic of their usual happy family Christmas and she couldn’t wait to get home to have a cry on her own.
How you deal with this kind of news is very much dependant on many factors, including your relationship with your family, who knows in your family and where you’re at in your TTC or IVF journey.
Our one bit of advice here is to remember it’s ok and totally normal to grieve, feel sad or even angry.
It’s ok to take yourself off to the loo and have a little cry, don’t feel guilty for how this news makes you feel, just be prepared in how you are going to cope with the news.
Opening up to trusted friends or family
If you feel ready, sharing a bit of your TTC journey with a close friend or family member can be surprisingly comforting.
It doesn’t need to be the main topic of conversation when you’re all sitting around the table eating the turkey, so perhaps think about telling a few people in confidence in the days running up to the time you will be seeing them.
Choose someone you feel safe with, someone who listens without judgment. Sharing what you’re going through might make holiday events feel less lonely, as you’ll have an ally who understands.
You may even want to explain if you have any boundaries in place, for example: “I wanted to tell you we’re trying to get pregnant, it’s not been easy and I’m not ready to talk about it right now, but I just wanted you to know.”
Choose to share as much or as little as you want – just let them know what support looks like for you.
Make the holidays yours: creating new traditions
The holidays often revolve around parties and family-centred traditions, which can feel bittersweet when you’re TTC.
But the festive season is really about traditions, and what’s stopping you from starting your own new traditions?
Whether it’s a quiet movie marathon, a holiday getaway, cooking a special meal, or exchanging personalised gifts, these traditions can be a beautiful reminder of the life you’re building together.
Whatever your new traditions are, this time is about spending quality time with friends and family and creating new traditions to help you feel included.
It’s a way to reclaim this time of year and make it special for the two of you, beyond the pressures and expectations of extended family gatherings.
Permission to feel all the feels
The holiday season can bring up a whole mix of emotions when you’re TTC. It’s easy to feel guilty for not being more joyful or feeling like you’re letting others down by not fully embracing the season.
Give yourself permission to feel however you need to feel. Sadness, frustration, grief, jealousy, joy – every emotion is valid.
Letting go of guilt can take a huge weight off, allowing you to process the journey in your own way.
You don’t have to fake it to make it through. Be kind to yourself, and allow room for each feeling.
Prioritising you
Self-care is more than just a buzzword; it’s a necessity when you’re TTC. It can mean quiet time alone, a solo-trip to the cinema, reading a good book, or whatever recharges you.
Prioritise yourself and create space to decompress, especially when family gatherings feel overwhelming.
Saying no is ‘self-care’
The holiday season is full of invitations but remember – you don’t have to say “yes” to everything.
If an event feels overwhelming, give yourself permission to politely decline. A simple “I’m not up for it today” or “Thanks, but I’ll pass this time” is perfectly acceptable.
You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation for prioritising your well-being.
Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your mental health, especially when TTC. It’s okay to be selective about where and with whom you spend your energy.
The people who truly care about you will understand and support your need for space. Surround yourself with people and activities that genuinely nourish you rather than drain you.
Let your hair down!
If you’re TTC or going through IVF, you’ve most likely been deprived of all the lovely things in life that you used to enjoy and life has been on hold for too long now.
TTC is a long, often emotionally heavy journey, so for the next few days, let yourself go, feel joy and happiness.
Whether it’s dancing at a party, laughing with friends, having a few drinks or indulging in a delicious dessert, it’s OK to enjoy yourself.
Letting yourself relax or have fun doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your journey – (nor will it have any effect on the outcome) but it’ll help you feel like you again, even for a few hours.
If you need a break from the stress, give yourself that gift this season. You deserve a bit of joy, no strings attached. 🎉
Taking a social media break for your peace
The holidays are peak season for social media posts celebrating family moments, children’s holiday outfits, and pregnancy announcements.
While these posts are joyful for others, they can be tough to scroll through when you’re TTC.
If you find yourself feeling more drained than uplifted, consider a social media break – it’s a form of self-care that can help protect your mental and emotional well-being.
Unplugging, even for a few days, lets you focus on the present, away from constant reminders and comparisons.
Remember, you can come back whenever you’re ready; the photos and updates will still be there. For now, give yourself permission to guard your heart and focus on what brings you peace.
How can we help?
Here at The Evewell, we are fertility experts with 20+ years of experience. Whether you need help trying to get pregnant, have experienced a miscarriage or need emotional support, we are ready to help you. Please get in touch by emailing us at appointments@evewell.com.
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